What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
