I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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