I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
