There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
