Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
