Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
