since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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