You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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