Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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