only if we run a train.
done.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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