My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
