We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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