just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
