We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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