imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
