There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
FUCK WHALES
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
