Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
