I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
