I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
