I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
