Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
