we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
