The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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