an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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