She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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