nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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