i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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