Buhtt sex?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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