I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
