so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
