I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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