Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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