drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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