if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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