Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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