we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves