She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.