He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress