I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free