I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.