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Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mom said you looked used
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
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