She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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