dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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