You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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