I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
