onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
