the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
