Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
