She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Randomize
