Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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