How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
