WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
