he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
