guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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