I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
