I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't notice because vodka
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh god it's open bar.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize