Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am one with the molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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