Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
