i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
