you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
