Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dear god my vagina.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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