WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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