i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Too much gin, very little bucket
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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