I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
