I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
