apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do vagina's smell?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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